neves + berdebar + cuak

Lately aku slalu surf blog mummy2 and read their experience wif their little angels. some have hard time..some just as normal as other moms.. tiap2 kali bace kisah diorang..sgtlah tersentuh coz i just lost my little princess last year.. tp alhamdulillah, now im pregnant again ..and tomorrow i'll be officially 22 weeks pregnant.

tp tibe2 terasa sgt nervous and sedikit emo.. y? coz last year aku cuma sempat pegnen up till 22 weeks and 3 days sahaja.. atas faktor baby yg tidak normal n tiada peluang hidup which in the end akan juga memberi bahaya pada aku, atas nasihat doctor i have to terminate my pregnancy. when the doc told me the news, both me n hubby were really calm.. and hubby as always cool jek.. die kate kalau ada rezeki, insya Allah pasni dpt baby lg.. and i even asked him , "kalau kite lmbt lagi dpt baby caner? " his answer " maknanya Allah nk kite hanimun puas2 dulu" see?? hubby sy mmg slalu cool.. hehe

honestly aku tak menangis sakan pon lepas kami decide to follow doc's advise.. even lepas bersalin, aku cuma tahan air mata.. after 10 days bersalin, kami pulang ke Msia coz my mom soh berpantang di klantan. tp hubby tak dpt cuti lama.. after 2 weeks di Msia, die perlu pulang ke doha disebabkan komitmen keje.. lepas hubby takdek.. and im alone kat umah mak, masa tulah aku rasa aku dh stat meroyan.. tiap2 malam menangis.. dhla baby tibe2 jek takdek, hubby plak kena balik doha.. its not the same when u're wif ur family.. hubby's absence at dat time really gave me a harder time to go thru my confinement period..

semasa berpantang, my mom upah seorang bidan yg lagi tua dr my grandma utk mengurut aku.. she was the same bidan yg sambut kelahiran aku dulu.. so she really treat me like her own grandaughter. after a few days berurut n bertungku.. she said " kalu srupo mung ni..toklamo lagi bleh pulok soghe nih..semeta jah ni" ..die kate camtu sbb period aku dtg awal, tak smpai sebulan lepas bersalin period aku dh dtg. masa tu mmg aku terkejut..hepi pon ada ..but i didnt tell anyone bout dat.. tp a few days later.. semasa tgh urut perut aku die kate " eh..aku raso lmbt ni mung nok bleh plok ni.." bila aku diam jek.. die kate "tp aku kato jah.. mugo smo ni kijo Allah.. kalu ado rezeki adola.. " huhu.. berdebar gile time die ckp camtu.. and i didnt tell my mom bout the whole story.. takut die plak yg lebih2 risau.. i told my hubby, tp as usual die sgt cool.. hehe

and alhamdulillah, rezeki kami bila aku pegnen lagi.. i have a few frens yg sedang pegnen 1st baby.. and smua excited.. of cos la kan sbb 1st time.. as for me, aku tak berani nk excited lebih2. because of my previous experience, every time pi clinic for check up, aku sgtlah neves and cuak.. so far so gud.. doc kate my baby is healthy n normal.. but still, anything can happen kan? kalau bleh nk sgt share segala cerita pasal my 2nd pregnancy ni, tp kdang2 sgt takut n disebabkan taknak terlalu excited, seboleh mungkin aku cuba control diri dari slalu blogging pasal my baby in my tummy..

selagi baby tak lahir, selagi tu aku akan slalu berdebar n takut.. mcm2 crite yg aku bace and dgr.. ada yg lahir pramatang ..ada yg abnormal.. ada jugak wpon lahir cukup bulan tp usia tak panjang.. tp smua ni keje Allah, kite cuma mampu berdoa je kan.. (insya Allah kali smua akan ok - ini ayat yg slalu aku guna tuk diri sendiri)

one of hubby's relative, after 10 years of marriage baru diorang dpt baby.. tp tak lama, after 4 days baby lahir, umur tak panjang sbb tibe2 baby lemas masa menyusu.. sedih kan? dhla 10 thn menunggu..

meaning, mcm2 bleh jadi.. tp hubby slalu pesan jgn byk pk.. kalau ada rezeki, adalah.. ye..ye aku tau.. tp tulah.. kadang2 mcm2 gak pkir kan.skang ni ari2 berdoa biar smuanya ok and both me n baby will be healthy.

2 ari lepas, aku ke umah kak lina (my neighbour) to help her wif her notebook's problem.. kebetulan die ada byk lg air zam2, so she gave me a big bottle of air zam2.. alhamdulillah.. my mom kate bleh wat ubat.. slalunye bile minum air zam2 yg org slalu bwk balik dari Mekah, ada sket rasa payau. tp kali ni rasa cm best la plak, mcm minum air sejuk.. ke sbb aku pegnen eh? hehe

semenjak 2 menjak ni, dear hubby sglah bz and slalu je gi offshore.. haih.. asek kena tinggal je aku nih.. ari sabtu lepas die baru balik dari offshore, tp selasa lepas pi offshore lagik.. tak tau la bile plak die balik.. huhu

hmm..tibe2 je terasa nk mkn muffin, so i'll stop here.. nk gi wat muffin..hehe ..sebbaik still lg ada butter n choc bar..